Triple Pete, The Man Who Fell to Earth

A modern Icarus

Triple Pete, Newcastle

Mon, 20 Apr 1998

Regret to inform you that Triple Pete struck 11,000 volt powerlines on landing last Saturday and is now a quadruple amputee with severe burns in Royal North Shore. But it seems he will survive - at the moment.

Al.

I sat stunned. I read it again.

Fri, 15 May 1998

Greetings meinheer,

...staring jetlagged at the Bundy in the duty free at Mascot at 0530 this morning reminded me of future stupors (Burketown) starting tomorrow with a party at PPP's at RPH, at which will be Conrad, Tascha (his girl), Anna and myself (he doesn't know I'm back yet, keep mum) plus sundry other sleaze, so hey! you're in! He's in the rehab ward with all the come-unstuck bikers and their peace pipes. His name is Pete O'Loughlin but a literature search of the world's amputees reveals no other recent non-military quadruple amputees, so I'd say no other name is required, as befits star status. Even thieves and deserters in Saudi Arabia get to keep their mid-limb joints anyway, so I would argue that PPP is in a category of one.

Pete has responded extraordinarily well to his horrific situation. He has calmly accepted it and is now aiming for full four-limb prosthetic mobility and activity. He is driving himself in a battery powered wheelchair using his stump for control but regards this purely as a stopgap, or something to fall back on for when he gets legless. God knows his volume of distribution for alcohol, previously picayune, will now be non-existent. Wheelchair DUI?
Al

It's a, I say it's a *joke* son. Don't cha get it? You're built too short,the good ones go over yer head. Ya got a hole in yer glove, boy, I keep pitching them and you keep missing them. Ya gotta keep yer eye on the ball, son. Eye. Ball. Eyeball. I almost had a funny there. Joke, that is. -
Foghorn Leghorn

No. It's not a joke. Pete's for real. But you gotta laugh. Or you'll cry.

Wed, 20 May 1998

He greeted him as my Sarah this e-mail is being a dictator thereby ibm ViaVoice suburb but. As you can see it has superb but recognition of the line dictation style and r think this will beat Bury easy for peat to use a possibly of course it is simply a mind bazaar speech pattern or possibly by a bizarre thought were plans that have caused this problem however I can see it a wonderful future for this voice of recognition technology in at the production of the new version needs of her more to stop dictation the topic dictation stops dictation peace

Greetings sire,

I assure that I was straight, sober and well-intentioned when I dictated the above opening paragraph to IBM's ViaVoice. It made sense to me when I dictated it anyway, and this is after spending an hour reading 'Alice in Wonderland' into the microphone as the screen required during 'enrolment'. Fair took me back to year 3 at primary school, it did. Enrolment became more sinister when the screen required me to read out sentences for it to recognise, praising IBM and its worldview. I think I was in year 4 when I first read '1984', remember the telescreen?

Still, Dragon Dictate requires you to read out lines from '2001'. Who says software writers are humourless geeks? Reminded me of a dinner I went to a little while ago, at the palatial home of a software writer who lived on Valium and who had a little robot running around, supposedly serving drinks. This thing got stuck between a toilet and the tiled bathroom wall, and started to sing 'Daisy, Daisy' with quavering echoes while another guest, a baritone, was singing Paul Robeson after dinner. The software writer was deeply and empathetically upset - for the robot.

... Being the son of a journo, it pains me deeply to see 'Icarus' spelt itchyarse but there's not a lot PPP can do about that right now. I'm really looking forward to reading up some of those links to amateur ampu-erotic literature - Anna informs me that seeking sex with amputees is a recognised perversion (did you see 'Crash'?) which would make PPP the di Caprio of Ward 6. The paras and quads are apparently deeply envious of his bladder, bowel and genital control, which makes PPP king in the country of the blind. ...

Al.

I had taken the spelling from a Russian website on the Bolshoi, which spells it Icharus.